Mogwai vs Ewoks: Things to Consider When Choosing Your New Pet

April 8, 2010 - By Mike Hepples

As a proud parent, you have raised little Billy or Luke to that age at which they have decided they would like to have something to nurture and care for of their very own. There are many factors to consider when choosing your child’s new playmate, so I’ve compiled this helpful guide to help you in your decision.

Feeding

Of utmost importance in your new pet’s arrival in your child’s life, food is a primary consideration. Ewoks mainly subsist on a vegetarian diet of fruit, making them a high cost pet to keep. The high spoilage rate of their primary diet will require semi-weekly trips to the grocery store to purchase fresh produce. Mogwai, however, have indestructible stomachs, allowing them to consume whatever happens to be at hand, such as a rubber washer, or styrofoam packing chips.

One caveat to this rule is the fact that should your Mogwai desire a midnight snack, things will turn ugly very quickly, with a nasty case of scaly skin and distemper. Once this particular condition manifests, the only known cure is to place said afflicted Mogwai in a large movie theater, following immediately with a large explosion, completely obliterating the structure. Understandably, this can incur large legal fees and lengthy prison sentences, which won’t be good for your child’s long term development, or social adjustment. Ewoks do not have this potentially expensive limitation on their food consumption.

Point: Ewok

Care

Daily care and maintenance of your pet is important, and should be considered thoroughly prior to making a decision. Mogwai are extremely cute and cuddly, and enjoy a daily brush of their fur. Attention is very important, as they are very social creatures, a long way from home. Ewoks are also covered with coarse fur, but have hands much more suited to the use of implements and sufficient intelligence to groom themselves. Give them a brush and a bar of soap, and send them off to the bathroom, soon enough they’ll come back shining and smelling like a rose. Neither of these pets are known to require a haircut.

Keep in mind that while brushing your Mogwai is important to it’s daily grooming routine, DO NOT attempt to bathe your pet. Contact with water will have some very inconvenient consequences, which we will cover later.

Point: Ewok

Availability

Ewoks can only be found on the moons of Endor, which can make obtaining one from their natural habitat very inconvenient, as you will require a spaceship capable of hyperspeed in order to reach them. They are also notoriously difficult to snare as well, with advanced guerrilla techniques taught from birth. They also carry large pointed sticks to be used when provoked, and have been known to bind the unsuspecting to long poles for transport.

Mogwai can be equally as difficult to obtain, as their home world is unknown. However, if you happen to know someone who already has one, a drop of water will furnish you with a new pet of your own. (Eschew local pet shops in favour of dark, little known shops run by mysterious Chinese proprietors) You see, Mogwai react violently to water, spontaneously spawning an offspring for every drop of water which makes contact. This can also provide business opportunities breeding Mogwai, provided you stick to the aforementioned feeding and care schedules. For no startup cost, you have an endless supply of specimens to raise and sell for profit. Mind, there will typically be at least one evil spawn in every litter, which should be eliminated immediately. (a potentially scarring experience for your young one. See “Old Yeller” for reference)

Point: Mogwai

Play

Both creatures are extremely playful, and their opposable thumbs give them the edge over most common-place pets. Doing a reenactment of the civil war with either pet is extremely entertaining, and beats the heck out of fetch any day. Speaking of fetch, it is not advisable to attempt this activity with either pet. Mogwai have such short appendages that fetch can become rather tedious, taking up to half an hour for one throw. Ewoks have been known to become downright violent at what they deem to be a demeaning activity, employing slingshots in retaliation.

Point: Tie

There you have it. While either pet can be a rewarding experience to own, your commitment to their care is the most important factor to consider. For those preferring a more autonomous, low-maintenance pet, Ewoks are the pet of choice. For those dedicated to the care and nurturing of their pet, a Mogwai will become a valued member of the family, eventually being able to repeat the names of your children (providing the pronunciation of their name doesn’t require the use of plosives).

Whatever your choice may be, I hope this guide has helped make your decision the right one.